The Snowflake Act 2020

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For the purpose of this Act;

(a) [‘snowflake‘] refers to any person, male or female making an allegation that meets no legal definition, but as their feelings were hurt, they insist on being a victim.

(b) [‘snowball‘] refers to a group of snowflakes who ‘stick together‘ giving each other a false sense of strength without realising that when the heat is turned up, they will melt. Snowflakes and snowballs are renowned for having meltdowns.

(c) [‘snowperson‘] refers to an organisation, for example, a police force, who represent snowflakes [and snowballs] in their quest at all costs.  Although the phrase ‘snowman’ would have been a more obvious terminology, snowperson’s have ‘sNOw balls‘ and therefore a neutral gender was used and also to avoid political correctness which could in itself, be a breach of The Snowflake Act 2020.

 

1 The offence of insulting someone

(1) A person is guilty of an offence if they pursue a course of conduct that—

(a) hurts the feelings of a snowflake, and
(b) they did so without considering the snowflake feelings; and
(c) he knows or ought to know or has no idea might hurt the snowflake’s feelings.

(2) For the purposes of subsection (1)(a) and (b) a person’s course of conduct amounts to insulting if—

(a) it makes the snowflake feel slightly inadequate, or
(b) it causes the snowflake to feel sad or tearful, and
(c) it is a truthful comment that the snowflake did not want to hear.

(3) The following are some examples of conduct which is associated with a breach of The Snowflake Act 2020 —

(a) calling someone names,
(b) beating the person in an argument leading to that person spitting out their dummy,
(c) giving the person a piece of your mind, usually in public,
(d) telling the person something that is true but they do not like it being mentioned,
(e) not giving a police officer the respect they want,
(f) talking over a police officer,
(g) correcting a police officer who interpreted the law incorrectly.

(4) The Snowflake Act 2020 was initially drafted to protect police officers who do not like (i) the truth (ii) being held to account (iii) put on the spot or (iv) believe that they should have special privileges because they were bullied at school.

(5) A person guilty of an offence under this section is liable on summary conviction, to being told off and having their wrists slapped or in more serious cases, being told that they are very naughty and must not do it again.   

(6) Police officers are allowed to use public funds to pursue injunctive proceedings through civil courts using like-minded judges, to ensure that perpetrators behave themselves and allow the police to continue without being held to account.

2 Civil remedy

(1) An actual or apprehended breach of section 1 may be the subject of a claim in civil proceedings by the person(s) who are or may be upset by the course of conduct in question.

(2) civil remedy for the purpose of section 1 will allow for police officers to flex their muscles with no consideration for taxpayers money to allow them to get the last word, and, with access to friends in the judiciary, ‘get their way’, hence The Snowflake Act 2020.

(3) compensation may be awarded to snowflakes, this includes recovery of costs for tissues and dry the cleaning of clothing where, for example, sleeves had to be used in place of tissues.

(4) during any civil remedy, the snowflake does not have to prove they were insulted, they simply must just cry.  Any evidence proving the snowflake is an aspiring actor for quality shows like Coronation Street will not be allowed, the snowflake must not face any criticism as this would only serve to hurt their feelings more.

 

 

The Snowflake Act 2020 was introduced on Friday, 13th March 2020.

The Act did not get Royal assent but got masonic approval by QC David Knifton (a part-time judge).

Please feel free to comment below, suggestions for revisions to this Act are encouraged 

 

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